Sticks and Stones
by charli911
Summary: Sticks and stone may break bones, but words can hurt even worse. What happens when the unforgivable words are spoken and how does it effect the team. Very minor crossover with Eureka, so minor that it's not a true crossover (initially placed on the crossover side, but re-posted here instead).. Rated T due to bad language.
1. Chapter 1

STICKS AND STONES

By Charli911 & Larabeelady

**Chapter 1**

Everyone had noticed the change in Anthony DiNozzo. He was quieter than usual, withdrawn, morose...even depressed. They hadn't seen him smile in days. But whenever anyone asked him if he was okay, his only answer was a muttered, "fine". But he was obviously anything but fine. His usual repertoire of pranks, jokes and lightheartedness was gone. He spoke only when he had information pertinent to their current case or when someone asked him a direct question, and even then, he didn't look anyone in the eye, and his voice was so monotone, he might as well have been a robot.

His teammates, Tim McGee and Ziva David, had tried several times to pull him out of his funk, by teasing, sniping and finally downright insulting him. Both told him to stop sulking and acting like a child. He would stop typing and about the time they figured he'd finally answer back, he'd take a deep breath and go back to what he was doing without even raising his head to look at them.

He had refused to join them for lunch every day for the last two weeks. Even Abby Scuito, their resident lab rat, had been unable to cajole or persuade him to leave his desk. When he refused, she accused him of pouting and told him to grow up. Ironic, when you consider her own past actions.

When advised of the situation, the NCIS Medical Examiner, Ducky Mallard, who often treated their minor wounds and kept his eye on their general heath, had confronted Tony about keeping up his strength by eating healthy. He began to lecture that Tony about his eating habits.

DiNozzo hadn't said a word, just opened up his drawer and pulled out a lunch bag. Opening the bag, he pulled out a roast beef sandwich, an apple and a container of yogurt. Laying the food out on the desk in front of him, he looked up at Ducky and said, blandly, "Healthy enough for you, Dr. Mallard?" Without waiting for a reply, he took a bite of the sandwich and turned back to his computer to finish his report, chewing as he typed.

The only person who didn't seem affected in any way, good or bad, by DiNozzo's behavior, was the Team Leader, Jethro Gibbs. In fact, when Mallard brought the subject up with Gibbs, the former Marine had replied that he was glad that DiNozzo was finally learning to take his job seriously. He didn't seem to see a problem with the drastic change that had nearly everyone else in the building so concerned.

What Gibbs didn't reveal was that he was the one who had caused the change. One night, when Gibbs had been entertaining a lady friend, Tony had dropped by his house unexpectedly. DiNozzo had tried to explain that they had a case and couldn't get hold of Gibbs by phone, so had taken it upon himself to swing by the house to make sure his boss was okay, only to open the door on the pair making out on Gibbs' sofa.

DiNozzo had been properly embarrassed and once Gibbs had seen his lady friend off, he rounded on Tony and laid into him. And although he'd only used words, Tony had felt each word like a physical blow. After ten minutes of verbal abuse, he'd quietly written an address on a piece of paper, told Gibbs they had a dead Petty Officer and that Gibbs might want to turn on his phone, then quietly walked out the door, gotten into his vehicle and driven away.

At the scene later, Gibbs had arrived to find his team already nearly finished with processing the scene. Ziva was interviewing witnesses, McGee was collecting evidence and DiNozzo was photographing everything. Gibbs had walked up next to the body and had a quiet conversation with Ducky and his assistant, then spoke with McGee and David, but never once approached DiNozzo. And Tony made no effort to speak to his boss, didn't even glance his way as Gibbs walked around the crime scene.

The tension between the two was obvious to everyone there, but neither man would talk about it. In fact, ever since that night, Tony barely spoke to anyone, and then only about whatever case they were currently working on. Ducky had managed to get enough grunts out of Jethro to understand that the two men had had words, but neither man would elaborate on exactly what was said. Whatever it was, it was bad.

DiNozzo had stopped calling people by their first names, resorting to calling them by their title and surnames. He was even calling Abby, Doctor Scuito. He refused every invitation to lunch, after work drinks or any other social get-together with anyone in the building. He'd even refused a movie night with Abby, something he had never done in the ten years he'd known her.

Even the Director had commented on it to Dr. Mallard, joking that he'd never seen the bullpen so quiet. Ducky was sure it wasn't a laughing matter, his concern ratcheting up with each passing day.

/

Tony sat in his car, parked on a bluff overlooking the Potomac River. He wouldn't go home until late night, knowing that if he was home, he'd get more visits from Abby, McGee and Ziva, wanting to know what was happening between him and Gibbs. He closed his eyes, the pain coming back every time he thought about that night.

_Dispatch had called him when they hadn't been able to get hold of Gibbs. Tony tried calling him as well, on both his cell phone and the landline in his basement. When Gibbs didn't answer either one, Tony had jumped in his car and headed over there, concerned that something had happened to his boss. While enroute, he called McGee and gave him the information about the case, telling him to contact Ziva and Ducky, and letting him know why he'd be delayed getting to the scene. _

_He called Gibbs several more times as he drove to his Team Leader's house, leaving a message each time he got voice mail. As he sped up to the house, he noticed all the lights were off, but he could see a flicker of the fireplace through the drapes. He raced up the two stairs to the porch, then pushed open the always unlocked front door, calling out as he walked in. _

_Movement by the sofa had him reaching for the weapon holstered on his hip, until he heard the distinctive growl of his boss. _

_"DiNozzo! What the hell are you doing?" _

_It wasn't until Gibbs stood up that Tony realized there was someone else in the room. The woman stood up, turning her back to both men and smoothing down her hair, as DiNozzo stammered, trying to get Gibbs to understand that they had a case and that Tony had tried to call him several times. Gibbs had hissed at him to shut up and not move. _

_He turned to his lady friend, Elizabeth, gently taking her arm and walking her to her car, promising to call her later. She made a remark about locking the door next time and smiled before giving him a passionate kiss goodbye. He was about to drag her back to the house when she whispered in his ear. "You best go see what your agent wants. It must be important."_

_"It better be," he snarled, which caused her to chuckle as she lightly brushed her hand down below his belt._

_"Calm down, Gunny, or he'll really have something to see."_

_He grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips. "You're not making this any easier. You do realize I'm gonna have to go back in there and kill him."_

_"Call me if it's not too late. I don't mind waiting up for a little of what we had been starting in there."_

_He opened her car door and she settled in behind the wheel, then he leaned in to kiss her. He watched her drive away, willing his body to calm down enough to walk back into his own house and not give DiNozzo fodder for the gossip mills. The more he thought about what DiNozzo had interrupted, the angrier he got. He had some pent up energy that wasn't going to be expended like he'd planned, so he'd just take out that energy on his subordinate. Spinning around he stalked back up the driveway. _

_"You get an eyeful there, DiNozzo?!" he snarled. _

_"Boss..."_

_"SHUT UP! I don't want to hear it! What the hell gave you the idea that you could just storm into my home without knocking?"_

_"You didn't..."_

_"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Gibbs was breathing hard, every breath straight into Tony's face, glad to see the fear in the younger man's eyes as The Gunny came out full force. "You have a lot of nerve busting in here like that! You're this close to getting your ass kicked to the curb," he snarled, his thumb and forefinger just millimeters apart to demonstrate, "so I hope you've kept your resume' up to date!"_

_Gibbs watched as the fear left DiNozzo, his eyes going blank and dead, watching a spot over Jethro's shoulder. "You better have a damn good reason for barging in here!" When DiNozzo didn't say anything, Gibbs moved closer, his nose nearly touching DiNozzo's. "ANSWER ME!"_

_Tony took a step back. "We have a dead Petty Officer. You didn't answer either phone, thought something might have happened." His voice was flat and low, using a minimum amount of words. _

_"It's no wonder you have no friends, if you do this to other people. Get out! And don't come back. You aren't welcome here!" He didn't notice the slight narrowing of Tony's eyes. "Stupid idiot! Not sure why I ever brought you here from Baltimore. Can't even respect a man's privacy, respect a man's home. You're annoying as hell with all your stupid jokes and movie references. Maybe the Director was right about you after all. Should have left you on that ship. Maybe it's about time McGee got that promotion permanently." _

_Each word was like a stake to the heart as DiNozzo pulled a notebook and pen from his pocket. He wrote something down before handing the torn page to his boss. He then made his way to the door, closing it softly behind him. He walked to his car, never looking back at the house, at the place that he'd once been welcome in, felt comfortable in. He knew if he looked back, he'd break. It was bringing back flashes of when he left home, sent away to military school. Gibbs' words interspersed through those that his father had yelled at him as he walked out the door to the waiting limo-worthless, no son of mine, end up in the gutter. He choked back a sob that threatened to escape, taking a deep breath to quell the inclination. He slid the key in the ignition and drove away._

_Inside Gibbs was still seething. His embarrassment had manifested as anger. He and Elizabeth had been kissing and he was unbuttoning her blouse when DiNozzo barged in on them. She gasped in shock and began to pull her clothing back together as Gibbs stood up and spun around to face his agent, hoping to hide her from DiNozzo's view. He fully expected some smart ass remark from the man, and decided to head that off by shouting out his displeasure at being interrupted. _

_After several minutes of pacing his living room, he calmed down enough to search for his phone, finding it under the coffee table. He realized that it must have fallen and got shut off when it fell. It turned the blasted thing on, seeing a dozen calls from DiNozzo. He didn't remember hearing the house phone ring, but the only landline in the house was in the basement and with the door closed and his preoccupation with his beautiful companion, he wasn't surprised he didn't hear it. _

_He played back the messages, hearing how frantic DiNozzo's voice got with each subsequent call. He shook his head. He was sorry to have worried the man, but that was still no excuse for him to barge into the house like he had. Gibbs shoved down the guilt that was beginning to surface at the things he'd said. A few home truths sometimes cleared the air and if that's what it took to keep DiNozzo from making unannounced entries to his home in the future, then so be it. _

_So, Gibbs had gone to the scene and done his job, grateful when DiNozzo had done the same. He figured that his Senior Field Agent would be smarting from the verbal smack down his boss had delivered, but knew that DiNozzo would not let it affect his job. And he knew, like always, that Tony would eventually put the incident behind him and get back to normal. _

/

For the next several days, Tony was unusually quiet. He came to work, did his job, and went home. He didn't joke around, only spoke when absolutely necessary and followed Gibbs' orders to the letter. Gibbs kept watching him, as did McGee and David, probably waiting for him to crack. Unfortunately, that's not what happened.

Ever since that night, DiNozzo had been a shell of his former self. Gibbs knew that the words he'd spoken that night had been particularly cruel and he did regret voicing them the way he had. But no one had ever accused Leroy Jethro Gibbs of being a smooth communicator. His usual way of getting his point across was the equivalent to a baseball bat upside the head. Jethro had been grateful that DiNozzo had kept a low profile and hadn't pushed for an explanation of the hurtful words. Then again, Tony had barely spoken to him at all.

And Gibbs felt just slightly guilty that he'd been happy for the silence. Tony was being serious about his job and hadn't let what had happened affect his work. The Marine in Gibbs relished the professionalism. No jokes, no stupid nicknames, none of the standard DiNozzo fare. He could see that at first it caught the others off guard. But he began to wish he'd spoken up earlier, if this was all it took to get DiNozzo to buckle down.

The one thing that was bothering Gibbs was the dead look in DiNozzo's eyes every time they made contact with him...or with anyone else, for that matter. It was like the life had been drained out of the younger man. Jethro briefly thought about apologizing for the harsh words, figuring that alone would bring the other man out of his funk, but couldn't bring himself to break his own rule.

He didn't really think it warranted an apology anyway, considering that what he'd said was, to some extent, true. Yes, he might have stepped slightly over the line when he suggested that Tony had no friends. Gibbs knew that wasn't the case. But he had done what he needed to get his point across. And he knew that eventually DiNozzo would bounce back and things would settle down to what passed for normal on his team, although he did hope that some of the _new _DiNozzo would stick around.

He'd bluntly made it known that he expected the younger man to respect his privacy and not barge into his house. Even having said that, considering that his relationship with the beautiful Elizabeth was going strong, he had begun to lock his door when she came over, which was often. He definitely did not want a repeat of the incident that night with DiNozzo...or anyone else. He'd given Ducky a key, in case of emergency, but refused to explain why he suddenly decided to start locking his door.

No one needed to know what happened that night. And apparently DiNozzo, in his embarrassment, hadn't mentioned the incident to anyone else, not even Abby. Gibbs was grateful for his discretion and really should have said so to him, but decided to just put it behind him and forget about it.

He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N—we had initially posted this in the crossover category, but the crossover is So Minor, that we felt it would be best served just as a NCIS story. So we have moved it to NCIS and dropped the crossover listing. Just know that there will be some Eureka characters in the story eventually, but they don't play a major part in the story. **

**_Chapter 2_**

It had taken only two days to solve the murder of the Petty Officer who became their case the night of 'The Incident'. McGee had found a connection between their victim and his killer, a fellow sailor. Both had been attracted to the same woman, a waitress in a restaurant near the docks, and the Petty Officer had won her hand. Gibbs had taken McGee along to make the arrest, not even looking Tony's way as he headed for the elevator. DiNozzo dismissed it, figuring it was Gibbs' way of rewarding the junior agent for finding the lead in the first place.

That was until he remembered Gibbs' last words that night..."_Maybe it's about time McGee got that promotion." _Those words played over and over in his head, on a loop, the words bashing against his brain even as they brought the suspect in, and as he watched from the observation room as Gibbs let McGee take the lead in interrogation. _"..about time...McGee...promotion...about time...McGee...promotion...McGee...promotion... McGee...promotion...promotion...McGee..." _

Gibbs was like a proud papa when Tim got the suspect to confess. As DiNozzo led the prisoner away, he heard Gibbs' voice echo down the hall. "Nice job, McGee. Very nice job."

_Nice job, McGee_. _Promotion...McGee_. He looked back over his shoulder as he opened the door to the holding cells and saw a huge grin on Gibbs' face as his boss draped an arm over McGee's shoulder and led the younger man down the hall the other way.

And of course McGee had been so smug about it for days afterward, even Ziva had gotten fed up with him. Tony quietly congratulated McGee on the successful interrogation, but since he had still been hearing Gibbs' hateful words running through his head, his congratulations apparently hadn't sounded sincere enough to his teammates. So McGee and Ziva both had accused him of being upset that Gibbs had allowed McGee to do so much on this case, that maybe he was falling out of favor with the boss. That he was jealous.

Tony nearly laughed in their faces. If only they knew how Gibbs really felt toward one Tony DiNozzo. He was at least glad that Gibbs had vented his true thoughts in private and not in the middle of the bullpen. He was having a hard enough time dealing with knowing how Gibbs really felt about him. He really didn't need McGee and David knowing, too.

Although, it was beginning to look like Gibbs had decided he didn't care one way or another how Tony felt. He was barely tolerating DiNozzo now and Tony knew it was only a matter of time before he was transferred off the team. So he'd begun to search the NCIS website to see what other positions might be available. He didn't think that the Director would give him his own team. Leon Vance hated him too much to actually promote him, even if he was fully qualified. But at this point, he doubted that he'd get a recommendation from Gibbs either.

Another thought flittered across him mind. What if Gibbs recommended termination instead of transfer? He couldn't afford to be fired. He'd have to put in for transfer before Gibbs could make a move either way. Who knew where he'd end up if the decision was left to Vance and Gibbs. Probably Siberia or Antarctica or somewhere equally isolated. Then again, that might actually be better. No boss, no teammates to rely on. No one to rely on but himself.

He'd decided that he'd spend the weekend seriously looking for an opening, hopefully finding something that suited him, and get the transfer paperwork started. Now he just had to get through the next four days.

Glancing down at his desk calendar, he noted the date and smiled to himself. He needed to call Pete soon and see where the yearly Fraternity get-together was going to be this year. At least he had that to look forward to...good food, good beer, some basketball or football. Good times with guys who were truly his friends.

/

It had been a month since 'The Incident', as Tony was beginning to dub that disastrous night when he'd interrupted Gibbs and his lady friend. And he knew he would never forget that night. It had been deeply imbedded in his brain. It ran through his mind several times a day, in fact. Every time he looked at Gibbs, he remembered that face, snarling in anger, so close he could still feel Gibbs' breath as the older man spewed out those vitriolic words.

Initially, he figured it was just Gibbs' anger that had him saying those things and he tried to push the whole thing aside. Oh, it wasn't easy, considering what had been said, but he'd done his best to chalk it up to Gibbs being Gibbs...that second B was out in full force that night. So, he'd tried to push the words away, just as he had every time his father had called him worthless or stupid when he was a child. He'd tried.

But every time he thought about reacting as he had in the past, to joke around with McGee or Ziva, he kept coming back to what Gibbs had said about him not having any friends. He had considered both of them to be friends, but wondered if they felt the same way. He began to watch them, to observe the way they acted toward him, toward each other, toward others in the building.

And he began to go back over past incidents. In the face of Gibbs' words, he began to see those incidents in a different light. He recalled calling Tim one night at midnight, asking if he'd give him a ride home, that he'd had a bit too much to drink and didn't think it was safe to drive. McGee told him to call a cab, that he was already in bed. Two days later, when they were heading to lunch, every suggestion he made was dismissed as too greasy, too far away, too...something.

He remembered numerous times he had brought coffee in for everyone and was quizzed about what he had put in their drinks to prank them. When he brought in Danish, they asked him what he had done that he felt the need to bribe them with food.

Just a couple of days before 'the incident', he had invited McGee, Ziva and Abby to have dinner at his house. They all declared they weren't in the mood for pizza. When he informed them he planned to cook, they had derided him, Ziva even remarking that she'd rather eat cardboard than anything he might try to make. The other two had laughed and offered their own suggestions on what disgusting thing they would rather dine on in place of whatever he might 'make from a box', as Abby put it.

That had hurt. Abby knew that he could cook, had been the recipient of dinners at his home in the past. The woman who had praised the food that Ziva had created during the 'team' dinner that Tony had conveniently not been invited to when Ziva had first arrived on the team, went along with the joke, at his expense. She had apologized the next day, and he'd accepted, but looking back on it now put a different light on it. It was tough for him to accept the fact that Gibbs had been right.

And then he wondered why he'd ever doubted the man. Gibbs was always right, wasn't he? At least when it came to Tony DiNozzo. Gibbs saw through his act in Baltimore. But then again, he had told Tony at that time that 'you don't waste good', so maybe Tony had fooled him at first. And now Gibbs was pissed because he finally realized he'd made a mistake. He finally realized that DiNozzo was not the man he thought he was.

And if Gibbs was right, maybe Senior was right too. He was worthless. And he would end up in the gutter. He had no friends. He had acquaintances, he had co-workers...but he had no true friends, at least not at work. He'd painfully learned the difference over the last couple of weeks.

And when in the past he'd turned to his so-called friends at work, mainly Abby and Ducky, about comments Gibbs had made toward him, neither had been very sympathetic, basically disregarding his worries, telling him that Gibbs was just that way. He could almost hear Gibbs' voice saying 'just suck it up, DiNozzo' as he listened to them. But he guessed he shouldn't be surprised that their loyalties would lay with the former Marine. He had known them longer, after all. And both had a closer relationship with Gibbs then Tony did... well, at least closer than Tony had _thought_ he had. He had obviously been kidding himself that he had any kind of friendship at all with Gibbs.

He'd never thought of himself as delusional, but apparently he was. He had thought that he and Gibbs had, if not a close friendship, at least a friendship of some kind. But that night in Gibbs' living room had shattered any illusions he'd harbored.

/

Two more quick cases followed, the second one landing Tony on desk duty with a broken rib when the Marine suspect got in a lucky shot while Tony and McGee were arresting the Marine. By the time Gibbs and Ziva showed up, McGee had the guy in cuffs and was leading him to their vehicle, while Tony was still trying to catch his breath.

Gibbs had once again praised McGee on 'taking down the suspect' while Ziva taunted Tony for 'laying down on the job.' And no mention at all from McGee that Tony was the one who had tackled the guy and briefly struggled with him, keeping him down while all McGee did was throw on the handcuffs. Gibbs reached down a hand to pull him up, commenting that maybe he should get in some hand-to-hand training. Tony ignored his outstretched hand, pulling himself up slowly.

Ziva offered to 'train' him, laughing as Tony winced in pain when she poked him in the side. Tony had felt and heard the rib break as the Marine's foot connected, but it took a quick examination by Ducky for anyone else to acknowledge that he'd been injured. The elderly Medical Examiner had done x-rays, all the while chastising DiNozzo for once again getting hurt, lamenting the fact that he was by far the most injured agent on the team, maybe in the entire building.

When Tony had made it back to the bullpen, Gibbs was just getting off the phone with Dr. Mallard, obviously not expecting DiNozzo to give him a complete report. The broken rib would keep him out of the field for several weeks and the look of disgust on Gibbs' face at the pronouncement wasn't totally unexpected, considering.

As Tony carefully sat down in his chair to write his report, Gibbs was informing McGee that he would be acting as his SFA in the field while DiNozzo was 'laid up', off-handedly mentioning that it would be good training for him. All Tony could hear was _McGee...promotion..about time..._

Gibbs and Ziva had then headed toward interrogation, McGee following behind like the good puppy he was becoming. Tony briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath...well, as deep as he could with a busted rib. He eventually finished his report and stood up to grab the hard copy from the printer. He was approaching the team's area again as Gibbs and the others barreled back onto the room.

"Go to lunch, people," Gibbs ordered.

McGee and Ziva gathered up their gear and started toward the elevator. McGee stopped and turned around. "Boss, would you care to join us?" he asked, not even looking Tony's way. "We can celebrate the quick closure of the case."

After just a brief hesitation, Gibbs nodded, tossed his empty coffee cup in the trash and followed the others to the elevator. "We should call Ducky and Abby, too, have them join us."

Tony felt numb as he watched the elevator doors close behind the trio. None of them had even glanced his way and he couldn't help but feel he'd been deliberately left out...again...of a team meal. Yes, he'd turned down all invitations lately, but those weren't "team" meals. They were celebrating closing a case he had helped with, but they didn't even bother asking him to join. He sat behind his desk and read through his report, having to read it several times before he signed it and dropped it in Gibbs' in-box.

/

Tony went home that evening and decided he needed to hear a friendly voice. So he pulled out his phone and dialed the number for Pete Logan, one of his fraternity brothers and the only one of them who had played on the basketball team with him. Pete lived close by, just across the river. The two men usually got together for a pick-up game once a month, depending on Tony's schedule. He was laughing when Pete finally got to the phone, as he could hear his wife calling him, then a loud crash and Pete muttering something about the 'damn dog' as he picked up the phone.

It was then that Tony's life began to fall apart completely. A simple phone call to speak to his friend...or at least someone who had been his friend, or so he thought. Follow-up calls to four more 'friends' had solidified the message.

The men he'd always thought of as brothers, men he was sure would support him and be there for him no matter what...men he had relied on to give him advice and listen to his troubles... those men had excluded him...lied to him. When he needed them most, they'd turned their backs on him.

When he'd called Pete, he discovered that they had already finalized plans for the Frat get-together, but that this year they had decided to make it a family affair. Of the group of six who got together yearly, only Tony was still single. The others had decided that they wanted to include their families this year and figured that Tony would be uncomfortable being the only single guy there and with all the kids running around. So, rather than calling their buddy and asking him how he'd feel, they decided to just make plans without telling him.

As Pete tried to explain their reasoning, Tony just tuned him out, because all he was really hearing was Gibbs' voice. _No friends...annoying...jokes, pranks...McGee...about time to promote...no friends...no friends...no friends. _

Tony slowly closed the phone, ending the call while Pete was still talking. But Tony wasn't listening any more. He was replaying his frat days, and the times they'd all got together after graduation. He'd always been the life of the party, matching the others drink for drink, competing for the prettiest girls. He was being left behind as they grew away from him...because he had no wife...he had no children...he was no longer like them...no longer part of the group.

First his father...than his fiancée...Danny Price...then his team...finally his 'brothers'...everyone who had ever been 'family' to him had left him behind. He wasn't good enough for any of them. He was... nothing to them.

He was nothing to anyone. And he had nothing left here.

Maybe it was time for Tony DiNozzo to say 'goodbye'.

/

The next morning, Tony debated calling in sick. He really didn't feel like facing the rest of his team that morning, especially Gibbs. But he also didn't want to give the former Marine the satisfaction. Tony had spent the night sitting on his sofa, the only light in the room that from the television playing in the background, the sound muted so that he could think. The enlightening call to Pete, and the follow-up calls to his other 'brothers', had been like the final blow of a long bout with an enemy who was stronger and more cunning than him.

Finally, as the sun began to peek through the curtains, he realized that he really didn't have any choice but to go to work. Gibbs already thought he was lower than dirt, not showing up to sit behind a desk wouldn't boost his standing in the least. So he took a deep breath and pushed himself to his feet, hissing as his busted rib reminded him to take things slow.

He took a shower and shaved, moving carefully so as not to aggravate his injury. He dressed casually in jeans and sweater, grabbed his wallet, ID, weapon and keys and headed out the door. He arrived at work thirty minutes early, noting that Gibbs had beaten him there, as he always did. He slid his pack to the floor and sat down, powering up his computer. He didn't say anything to his boss, as had been the norm for the last few weeks and Gibbs didn't greet him either.

Since they had wrapped up their last case the day before, Tony went searching for a cold case to delve into until something else came up. As he read through the case file, he didn't notice Gibbs watching him.

Gibbs took a long sip from his ever-present cup of coffee as he observed his Senior Field Agent. He let out a quiet sigh and wondered, not for the first time, just how he was going to fix this. He mentally head-slapped himself for allowing it to go on for so long. In the beginning, he'd been glad to see the jokes and movie quotes stop, but now...well, he'd never admit it, but he missed it. He missed seeing the smile on DiNozzo's face when he walked in each morning; he missed the seemingly obscure movie references that somehow cracked a case; he missed DiNozzo constantly correcting Ziva when she mangled the English language; hell, he even missed the quips about his own eyesight and age.

He'd lost a lot of sleep himself during the last several weeks, his brain playing back that night in his living room over and over again. He was a bastard, everyone knew that...but he'd never deliberately hurt someone like that before. Hell, he'd never even done that to any of his ex-wives, and _they_ actually deserved his bitter tongue.

He'd played back the messages Tony had left on his cell phone that night...again and again, he played them back. He could hear the worry and the frantic concern for him...for him, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He'd seen what he thought at first was embarrassment, but now realized was relief, on DiNozzo's face when he saw Gibbs and could see that he was okay. Relief that his boss...his friend...was okay. That he wasn't lying hurt or dead on his living room floor.

And Gibbs had taken that concern and stomped on it. It had felt good when he did it. He'd relished the look on Tony's face. Now, though, when he remembered that look, he felt sick. He realized that his own embarrassment at being caught making out on the sofa like a teenager had caused him to strike out at the one man who had been watching his six for a decade.

All he felt now was shame.

Shame at his own actions and cutting words. Shame that he'd let it drag on so long. Shame that he hadn't already apologized. Shame that he was pushing Tony further and further away with each passing day.

He knew that the younger man had distanced himself from everyone and that worried him. DiNozzo was a sociable guy normally. But lately, he always ate lunch alone, usually at his desk or in the building's break room. He'd declined several invitations to dinner and drinks offered by McGee, Ziva and Abby. He even said no to clubbing with Abby. And it appeared that those three had decided that things weren't going to change and just accepted the fact that Tony wasn't part of their circle anymore.

And while it really didn't surprise him that McGee and David felt that way, Abby's apparent acceptance of the situation concerned him. He never thought he'd see the day that Abby and Tony virtually ignored each other if a case wasn't involved. And worse, Abby had even stopped haranguing Gibbs about Tony's aloofness. It was like she just accepted the new status quo and was no longer making attempts to get through to DiNozzo. It wasn't like her at all and Gibbs wondered if she and Tony had had a falling out, as well.

And while his team was still closing cases at their usual high rate, Gibbs just wasn't feeling the same satisfaction that he usually did when he put a dirtbag behind bars. It was like the world was off-kilter. Even Vance had commented on DiNozzo's demeanor the last few weeks. Ducky had expressed concern about Tony's mental state and apparent depression.

Gibbs knew he was going to have to sit the younger man down and talk to him, but he had let this chasm between them widen more and more with each passing day, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to bridge the gap now. But his main concern was DiNozzo's lassitude. He was barely going through the motions. He was beginning to wonder if maybe Ducky was right.

/

"Go home, people," Gibbs said, as he signed the last of the reports on their latest case. He watched as Ziva and McGee quickly shut down their computers, grabbed their packs and hurried out with quick goodbyes. DiNozzo was moving at a slower pace due to his busted rib. But as he turned to leave, Gibbs called out. "DiNozzo!"

Tony stopped and looked back over his shoulder, but didn't speak. Gibbs stood up and walked over to his Senior Agent. "Are you okay?" he asked, silently lambasting himself for such a lame question.

"I'm fine," DiNozzo replied listlessly.

"Really? Because you haven't been acting fine." Gibbs could have slapped himself. Why was he being so accusing. He sighed. "Look, I know this all goes back to that night at my house...I shouldn't have said what I said."

Tony shrugged. "You were only telling the truth. I hope your lady friend didn't take offense. I wouldn't want to ruin any chance you have at happiness."

"I never meant for it to go this far. You haven't been yourself."

Again Tony just shrugged again. "I've been doing my job," he insisted. "Anything beyond that isn't important."

"DiNozzo...look...that night...I was upset...I didn't..."

Tony smiled, but it was a sad, bitter look. "I'm sorry I interrupted your night. It won't happen again. Let's just leave it at that." He walked away, heading for the stairs, not wanting to take the chance that Gibbs would follow him onto the elevator where he'd be stuck.

Jethro watched him go, debating whether he should follow him and try to explain. He was still debating as the door closed behind DiNozzo. And he got the feeling that the door had also closed on his last chance to make things right.

Tomorrow was Friday, and then Tony was due to start a three-week vacation. Gibbs knew that this was his usual get-together with his frat buddies. In years past, DiNozzo would be telling the whole team what he and his friends were doing on their vacation, but this year he hadn't said a word. Gibbs decided to wait until Tony got back. The night before he was due back at work, Gibbs would go over to Tony's place and the two of them would hash this all out.

He had no idea that his plans would be thwarted by the man himself.

/


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

**_One week later_**

"Gibbs!" Jethro looked up at the Director, who was standing at the top of the stairs. "My office, please." Gibbs got up and trotted up the stairs.

"Close the door," Leon directed, as he moved to the conference table and took a seat. He picked up a sheet of paper, sliding it across the desk when the former Marine sat down.

To say Jethro was shocked would have been a major understatement.

**_'Letter of Resignation' _**read the top of the sheet. And the name Anthony DiNozzo stood out like a twelve foot tall neon sign.

"I'm not sure what to make of that," Vance said. "I know things have been tense on your team recently, but didn't think it had gone this far."

"Crap!" Gibbs growled as he threw the paper back onto the table. "Are you going to let him do this? He's got to come back to work out his notice, right?"

"Not like I can stop him from resigning, Gibbs. He's a grown man and can quit if he likes. And if you'll read the whole letter, he states that it's effective immediately upon receipt of the letter. Which is today. His two-week notice would be the rest of his vacation. And he has the time on the books to do just that. He's not planning to come back. Along with the letter was a note that Tony's work cell phone, badge, ID and gun could be found in the locked drawer of his desk. And that you should have the key."

Gibbs blew out a deep breath and shook his head. If Tony had left those items in his drawer, he really wasn't planning on returning. Obviously, he didn't want to give anyone an excuse to visit on the pretext of collecting those items. "Can you hold off on submitting this, Leon? I need to talk to him...really talk to him. I screwed the pooch on this one."

"You want to tell me what happened?"

Jethro grimaced. "Rather not. It's...embarrassing, to say the least." When Vance just raised an eyebrow and stuck one of his infernal toothpicks in his mouth, Gibbs knew he needed to fess up. "Several weeks back, Tony caught me and a woman in a ...let's just say, we were getting to know each other better on my sofa. He'd been trying to call me about a case, I didn't hear the phone, he thought something was wrong and barged in."

Leon was hard pressed not to smile, biting down on his lip to prevent a laugh from escaping his mouth. Gibbs of course noticed.

"Go ahead, laugh. I'm just glad it hadn't gotten any further than some kisses, some mussed up hair, and disheveled clothing."

A guffaw finally let loose from across the table. "Sorry," Vance said as he continued to chuckle. "I'm just trying to picture the scene...and can only too well." He settled down and leaned back in his chair. "I can imagine you took your embarrassment out on your agent," he accused, rightfully.

Gibbs slumped down. "Oh yeah."

"And that's what caused his whole behavior change recently?"

Gibbs sighed heavily. "Yeah. I said some really nasty stuff, Leon. Really nasty."

Leon leaned forward to place his arms on the table. "I can hold off forwarding the paperwork to HR, Gibbs. But once it got into my hands, it became effective, regardless of when HR gets it. I'll hold on to it, but you have got to try and get this straightened out, and soon."

"He's off with his frat buddies right now. I'm not sure where they went."

"Is there a way you can find out? I can give you time off, if you need it. McGee and Ziva can work cold cases or help other teams."

"Let me see what I can do." Gibbs got up and hurried back to his own desk. He called Tony's personal cell. He frowned when he got a "disconnect" message.

"Shit," he muttered. He quickly pulled out Tony's personnel folder from his bottom desk drawer. Although he and Ducky were listed as Tony's emergency contacts, there was also a list that Tony had given him of other notifications to be made in case of Tony's death in the line of duty. Gibbs knew at least one of Tony's frat buddies was on that list. Getting the number, he quickly dialed Pete Logan as he went into a conference room for some privacy.

"Hello?"

"Pete Logan? This is Agent Gibbs, Tony's boss."

"Oh, crap. What's happened?"

Gibbs was confused. "What?"

"Something's happened to Tony, right? He said if something did, you'd probably be the one calling. What happened?" The guy sounded scared. But not as scared as Gibbs.

"Wait a minute. Tony's not with you? Isn't this your yearly get together? He took three weeks of vacation time. I was calling to try and find out where you guys are. I need to talk to Tony."

"Agent Gibbs, Tony's not with us." He heard Pete sigh. "Shit. Tony called a few weeks ago to finalize plans, but..."

"But what," Gibbs growled.

"Well, the rest of us all have families, ya know. And we decided that we wanted to include them this year. We figured that being single, Tony might feel...out of place. So we made plans without him. I haven't spoken to or seen him since the night I told him. I've tried to call, so have the other guys. Tony never picked up or answered any of our messages. I stopped by his place several times, but he never answered the door. We're all in Orlando right now, at Disney World. But Tony's not here."

"Son of a..." Gibbs ran a hand over his head.

"Since you're looking for him so desperately, something is going on, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Yeah it is. Tony's resigned from NCIS, effective immediately. He left last week on vacation, but the letter of resignation just arrived here today. Look, I've gotta go. If he's not with you, chances are he's still at home."

"Gibbs, let me know if you get ahold of him, okay? We all feel really bad about what happened. Looking back, we should have just been straight with him and asked him if he still wanted to come."

"Yeah, you should have. But I have no room to talk, because things between the two of us have been...tense lately. I'll give you a call back once I find him."

/

Gibbs hurried back to the bullpen and up to McGee's desk. "Tim, if a cell phone is giving a 'disconnect' message, can you still track it?"

Tim looked up. "Yeah, if I have the serial number."

"Try and track Tony's personal cell," Gibbs ordered.

Ziva got up from her desk and joined the men. "Is something wrong with Tony, Gibbs?"

He ignored her question. "Tim, can you do it?"

"Sure, Boss." Gibbs watched as Tim's fingers flew across the keyboard, trying to stay calm. Then he saw Tim's eyes widen.

"What, McGee?"

"According to this, the phone is in his desk."

Gibbs quickly grabbed the key from his top drawer and opened the locked drawer in Tony's desk. Slowly, he pulled out two cell phones and Tony's badge, ID and gun. Ziva and McGee were both stunned.

"What's going on, Boss? Is Tony in trouble?" Tim asked.

Gibbs just looked at the desk top, then replaced the items and locked the drawer back up. "No," he answered grimly. "He's not in trouble, but I need to find him." He went to his desk and grabbed his own badge and gun. "I'm leaving. Don't expect me back today. You can both leave when you finish your reports."

"Gibbs, we can go with you," Ziva offered.

"No. I need to find him and the two of us need to speak privately once I do. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, he walked out, leaving both his junior team members worried and frustrated.

Gibbs drove to Tony's in record time, even for him. He bounded up the stairs to Tony's apartment. He knocked on the door for several minutes, his calls to Tony getting louder and more frantic. He thought it was ironic, considering how all of this had started. He was just about to kick in the door when Tony's neighbor came out to see what all the ruckus was about.

"You're wasting your time, sir," the lady said.

Gibbs turned around to face her. "What do you mean?"

"He doesn't live there anymore. The building super was in cleaning the apartment yesterday. Said Mr. DiNozzo moved out."

"Do you know how I can get ahold of Tony? Or the super?"

"No clue about Mr. DiNozzo, but the super lives in 1B."

Gibbs thanked the woman and headed downstairs. He went to apartment 1B and knocked, his heart pounding. He hoped the man had some answers for him. The door opened to a tall, skinny black man. Gibbs pulled out his badge and flashed it. "Hello, Sir. I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm Special Agent Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo's boss. I understand from a neighbor that Tony's moved out of his apartment. By any chance, do you have a forwarding address for him? It's important that I find him."

"Sorry, Agent Gibbs. He didn't leave one. Just paid up the rent last week, including the penalty for breaking his lease. He already had most of his stuff moved out before he came to see me, 'cuz he told me he'd be out the next day. He even told me to keep the security deposit."

His shoulders slumped. Tony had a week's head start. Gibbs softly thanked the man and trudged back to his car. He sat for several minutes, replaying everything that had occurred since that night at his house. He grabbed his cell. "McGee, are you still at the office?" he asked as he started up his car. "Good, try to get a trace on Tony's Camaro. I know he had it equipped with GPS after his last car got stolen. And run info on his bank accounts and credit cards. I'm on my way back. I'll explain once I get there." Throwing his car into gear, he headed back to the Navy yard. He needed to find Tony, and he was gonna need the team's help.

/

Getting back to the Navy Yard, Gibbs hurried inside. "Sit Rep," he barked as soon as the elevator doors opened. Tim and Ziva exchanged looks. Gibbs' stomach dropped. "Now! Give me what you've got."

"Boss, Tony's Camaro is at Sterling's used car lot. The manager confirmed that Tony sold the car to him last week. Took a cashier's check, which Tony deposited in his checking account," Tim explained. "The next day, he withdrew all but $100 each from both his checking and savings accounts. He also cashed in his 401K."

"Credit cards," Gibbs said.

"All his credit cards have had their balances paid off in the last month and the accounts closed," Ziva continued. "Gibbs, what is happening? Something is obviously going on with Tony. What is it?"

Gibbs sighed. He had promised them an explanation. But he only wanted to explain this once. He held up a finger to Ziva and Tim to hold on, then called Vance. Getting the OK, he called Abby, Ducky and Palmer, ordering them to Vance's office ASAP. He started the same way, motioning for Tim and Ziva to follow. Once everyone was assembled in Vance's office, Gibbs paced the room while the others sat at the conference table.

"Tony's resigned," Gibbs finally stated quietly to the group. "Effective immediately." Shouts and exclamations of disbelief came from those in the room. Once everyone finally quieted down, he continued. "He's moved out of his apartment, sold his car, paid off and closed his credit accounts and virtually emptied his bank accounts. And I can't find him anywhere."

Vance approached Gibbs. "Did you find out where he and his frat buddies have gone?" he asked the man

Gibbs briefly closed his eyes. "His buddies are all in Orlando with their families. But Tony isn't with them." He explained what he been told by Pete Logan.

"Jethro," Ducky said, "don't you think it's about time you told us what happened between the two of you? This has been brewing for weeks, and you intimated that the two of you had an argument. It's been affecting the team this entire time. Things have now gotten to the point that Tony has left without so much as a 'good-bye' to any of his friends." Gibbs flinched at that last word, which didn't go unnoticed by Ducky. "Jethro, what did you do?" he asked accusingly.

Gibbs slowly sank into a chair, suddenly feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. Or maybe it was guilt and shame. "The night that dispatch couldn't get ahold of me, and Tony sent the rest of you onto the crime scene while he came to my house? He...interrupted me with a lady friend. I was embarrassed and upset that he barged in without knocking, catching me off-guard. So I said some things to him that weren't very nice."

"Define 'not very nice', Gibbs," Abby asked, her voice wobbling slightly.

"Okay, so they were pretty nasty." Gibbs looked around, but had trouble meeting anyone's eyes. "I basically told him that I wasn't surprised that he didn't have friends and that he was worthless and no longer welcome in my home. And I may have suggested getting rid of him at work, too."

"Jethro," Ducky admonished the man, his voice full of disappointment. "After everything that boy has told you about how his father treated him, how could you say such things? Even in anger. It's no wonder he's been so withdrawn and depressed. There aren't any words that could have cut him deeper, especially coming from you."

"Don't you think I know that, Duck!?" Gibbs cried out. "But the longer I let it go on, the harder it became to figure out how to fix it. I intended to head to his place the night before he returned from his vacation. But, of course, now he's gone and I don't know where!"

"Boss, we can find him," Tim said. "I'll do some more digging. If he opens other credit cards or bank accounts, or registers another car, I'll find it. He hasn't been gone long. We'll find him."

Gibbs looked at Vance. "Leon," he implored.

Vance gazed at the team sitting at the conference table. He sighed, knowing that they wouldn't be any good until they found DiNozzo. "One week, Gibbs. I'll give you all one week to try and track him down. But after that, I need you all to get back to your real jobs and search on your own time."

Everyone nodded and left the office. One week was surely enough time to find their wayward friend.

/


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N—for those of you wondering, this story was actually inspired by a one-shot written where Tony walked in on Gibbs and his wife (not Shannon or any of the wife's in canon) while they were in their bedroom. So the premise might sound familiar to those who read that one-shot. I don't remember the author's name (I think was TaylorGibbsGirl—but can't find her on fanfic, so not sure if I got the name wrong or she no longer posts on fanfic)..I know she took the story down, due to some nasty reviews…I told her I had an idea to expand on her one-shot and she was generous enough to allow me to take her idea and run with it. I didn't use her OC and didn't want to put Tony in the bedroom, but think doing it this way works. I just wanted you all aware that my story sprouted from another writer's initial idea. Thanks to that author and I apologize if I got your writer's name incorrect. _**

**_ONWARD TO THE STORY_**

**_/_**

**Chapter 4**

But one week saw them no closer to finding Tony than the day his resignation letter had arrived. Neither had the ensuing _three months_ after that. They had expanded their search to all fifty states. But there were no records of Tony buying or renting a car, opening any bank accounts, or traveling by plane, train or bus. The money from his last NCIS paycheck and the cash-out of his leave time still sat in his checking account, untouched.

It was like Anthony DiNozzo had disappeared from existence.

Gibbs had gone as far as asking Fornell for the FBI's help. When they hadn't garnered any leads, he had tapped into all his law enforcement, military and black ops contacts. And still came up empty. Gibbs had even been desperate enough to have them check all the aliases Tony had used during his various undercover operations, on the off chance he might use one of them. All to no avail.

Gibbs had tried to track down Senior to see if maybe Tony was with him. But the man had yet to return any of the numerous messages that both Gibbs and Vance had left him. He wondered if maybe he should have Abby or Ziva try, see if the man would respond to them.

Vance had actually given them two weeks instead of the promised one week, but eventually, the team had to return to their main job. But they all continued to work on finding Tony on their down time. Abby had flagged Tony's DNA, fingerprint and dental records, while Tim flagged his name and social security number. If any one of these were entered into a database, it would alert their team. Nothing that would raise flags on the other end and cause Tony problems, but just to alert Gibbs and the team and give them a direction to take.

Gibbs felt like he had aged years in the last few months. Every time a lead came to a dead end, it was like a knife to his heart. He wasn't sleeping or eating for wondering and worrying about Tony. He'd lost weight, and it showed. When Abby's birthday, and then Ducky's, had passed with no word from Tony, Gibbs' hopes plummeted more.

The whole team had suffered as Tony's absence continued. At first, Abby was almost constantly on the verge of tears, then she got angry. Angry at Gibbs for saying what he had, angry at McGee for not finding Tony. Then finally, angry at Tony for making everyone worry so much. Now she was just morose. She had initially set up a shrine in her lab, much like she had when Gibbs had 'retired' to Mexico.

She got into a shouting match with Ziva one day when the former Mossad officer had made a remark about being 'stared at' by all the photos of DiNozzo hanging on the wall. Abby had yelled that she had no feelings. Ziva had yelled back that it was pointless to keep looking for someone who didn't really want to be found. Then she'd made the mistake of saying they were all probably better off if they never found Tony, because then at least they wouldn't have to put up with his juvenile antics any longer.

Abby had chased her out of the lab, throwing things at her until Ziva was able to get out the door.

Finally, one day during a fit of anger at DiNozzo, Abby had snatched every photo off the wall and proceeded to tear them into small pieces. She'd then placed them in a container and lit them on fire. Once all she had was ashes, she then got upset about 'cremating Tony'. When Vance came into the lab a few minutes later, she was sitting on the floor, clutching the container of ashes wailing something about voodoo curses or some such.

Vance sent her home for the day and seriously debated forcing the entire team to visit a psychologist! He began to wonder if he should have tried to convince DiNozzo to stay by offering to get rid of the rest of the team as an incentive!

And Tim and Ziva grew more and more surly with each other and everyone else around them as frustration mounted. McGee had reverted back to the stuttering and stammering agent who had been so evident during his early days with the team every time Gibbs walked into the room and McGee hadn't found that one piece of information that revealed DiNozzo's location.

Things weren't any better in autopsy. Oh, neither Ducky nor Palmer was collapsing in fits of hysterics, but the normally cheerful pair wasn't finding much to be cheerful about lately. Both

Ducky and Palmer refused to talk to Gibbs outside of discussing cases or getting updates on the search for Tony. Not that Palmer spoke much to Gibbs anyway, but he had made it known, in his own inimitable way, that he thought Gibbs had stepped over the line.

Gibbs…Gibbs just withdrew. Any time not spent on a case or actively searching for Tony, he holed up in his basement with a bottle of bourbon…or three. He didn't think he had felt anywhere near this bad since his girls had died. He couldn't even muster up any desire to work on his latest carpentry project.

At one point, Ziva had suggested to Gibbs that possibly there wasn't anything to find because Tony had done something…drastic. Gibbs had to leave the room to keep from lashing out at the woman. He had to believe that Tony wouldn't do that. He had to. The guilt was already weighing on him, but if he'd driven Tony to that...

Luckily, the day after she'd said that, Tim found a small piece of information that seemed to take that notion off the table. Talking to a contact at Bethesda, Tim found out that Tony had requested a complete copy of his medical records. At first, Tim had been excited, thinking that if Tony had requested it be sent somewhere, it would give them a lead where to look. Unfortunately, further checking found that Tony had his own contacts at Bethesda, and was able to have them copy the records the same day and had picked them up himself. This happened two days before he left on his "vacation."

But all agreed that he probably wouldn't have bothered getting the copies if he had intended to commit suicide.

The next day was Tony's birthday. The first one he hadn't been with Gibbs to celebrate in ten years. Gibbs stared across the bullpen at what had been Tony's desk. Oh, it was used now by the rotating temporary team members that had come and gone since Tony left. They couldn't seem to keep anyone at that desk. Gibbs knew he was more demanding of the temp team members. He was so used to DiNozzo knowing what he wanted before he said it, that he got pissed when he had to explain himself.

It just wasn't the same. He'd even overheard one of them snarling at Ziva just before he left, that he could totally understand why DiNozzo had thrown in the towel—an idiom that had gone completely over the Israeli head, of course. She questioned why anyone would throw a towel as that would be…how had she put it? Oh yeah… "ineffectual in causing harm to anyone". Gibbs hadn't been surprised when the transfer request paperwork had been on his desk the next morning.

So, now the fourth SFA in as many months was sitting at that desk, but to Gibbs, it would always be "Tony's desk." He closed his eyes to block out the sight. Maybe it was time to retire for good. Turn his attention full time to trying to find Tony.

/

At the same time, on the other side of the country, the man in question was driving on a winding two-lane road in Oregon. He'd spent the last couple of months driving the country, stopping to explore the nation's national parks and monuments. He'd never realized just how vast and beautiful the country was. Oh, he knew it was big, but during his journey, he saw awe-inspiring sights and visited places he'd only read about in history books or seen on TV documentaries. Throughout his travels with NCIS, he never usually had time to sight-see at any of the places that he'd gone, as he was usually too busy working a case.

He'd come to enjoy traveling alone, not needing to worry about adhering to a schedule or having to take into consideration what anyone else thought. Being able to come and go as he pleased, when he pleased. Stopping to see anything that drew his interest or attention. And finding that he enjoyed just…being.

Right now, he was enjoying the smell of the huge pine trees towing over him on either side of the road through the open windows of the car. The car he'd purchased under the name of his present alias.

He was currently using the name Mark Stoddard. One of three names he'd used since leaving D.C. Truly, he didn't believe that anyone, be it NCIS or his 'friends', would be searching for him. Unless Gibbs or Vance decided to hunt him down for doing an end-run around the two of them, thwarting their chance of getting to fire him. But he thought it best to be prudent.

People, and by that he meant his former colleagues, would be amazed at how many false identities Tony had established over the years. Between trying to hide his money from Senior, the possibility of needing to hide from criminals he took down, and plain old paranoia, Tony had made sure he could disappear if the need arose.

He sighed heavily. Over the last ten years, he'd hoped he would never need to use any of them. He thought he'd found friends who would stand by him through anything. But it wasn't to be.

Good thing he hadn't let any of his identities lapse. He had driver's licenses from a dozen different states, and money secured in banks across the country in those and other names.

He'd made some good investments through the years and had made a lot of money in the stock market. Altogether, he had well over three million dollars, all squirreled away where Senior would never know about it or be able to get his hands on it.

He had credit cards in other names, as well, all kept active by purchases he made over the internet. Small purchases that he could pay off easily every month, but enough to keep the cards active.

He saw a city-limit sign up ahead. His eyes flicked to his gas gauge. "Better fuel up the car," he thought to himself, then smiled as his stomach growled. "And me, as well."

A couple of miles further up, he saw a filling station and pulled in. Taking a few bills out of his wallet, he walked inside to get the pumps started. He was greeted with a smile by an older black man.

"Hi," the man said. "Welcome to Eureka."

Tony returned the smile. "Thanks. I need to fill up on pump one." He laid several bills on the counter.

"Sure thing." The man pressed a couple of buttons. "It's all set to go for you."

Tony filled up the tank and went back inside. He settled with the man, then asked, "Is there someplace close by I can get a bite to eat?"

The man nodded. "Sure. Just continue on this road another two miles and you'll be on the main street through town. There's Cosmic Pizza, if you're in that mood. Or Café Diem for everything else. I can recommend the café. Vince is a genius and can make pretty much anything you'd like." He held out a hand. "I'm Henry, by the way."

Tony remembered the sign outside as he shook the man's hand. "Henry as in Henry's garage? Nice to meet you. Mark Stoddard. I appreciate the help. My stomach's about as empty as my gas tank was." Tony got back in his car and continued on his way. Soon, he was driving through the town. He spotted an empty parking spot and pulled in. Getting out of the car, he saw the two restaurants Henry had mentioned. He'd had pizza last night at the hotel he'd stayed in, so he opted for Café Diem and headed that way.

He walked in and sat down at a booth. Before long, a man came over. "Hello, there. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Iced tea, please," Tony replied. While he was waiting, he perused the menu. The man came back with his drink and took Tony's order. Once alone, Tony took the opportunity to survey his surroundings. The cafe was bright and sunny. The other patrons were laughing and seemed to be enjoying their meals.

Before long, the man came out with Tony's food order. Setting down the plate, he told Tony, "Here you go. If you need anything else, just let me know. My name is Vince."

"Will do. Thanks."

Tony dug into his food. Ummm, Henry at the garage had been right. Vince was a genius. This was delicious. He continued to leisurely enjoy the meal.

In the meantime, others were coming into the restaurant. Tony took notice when he saw a man in a sheriff's uniform. The man and his companion sat down at the table next to Tony. Vince hurried over to the table. "Sheriff Carter, Dr Blake. Coffee?" he asked the couple, holding up a coffee pot. When both nodded, he poured the coffee and took their orders. The sheriff looked around and noticed Tony sitting there. Tony made eye contact. He wasn't worried about attracting the attention of the lawman. The sheriff was typical of most law enforcement in small towns. Someone new arrives, you size them up. He broke eye contact and returned to his meal, noticing out of the corner of his eye that the sheriff's attention returned to his attractive companion.

When Tony finished his meal, Vince came to clear away his dishes. He asked Tony if he wanted dessert. "We have fresh made chocolate pie," Vince said with a smile.

Tony shook his head. "Not right now. But I might come back for some later. Thought I'd walk around town for a bit, stretch my legs. I've been on the road since early this morning." He laid money on the table to cover his bill and a generous tip.

Vince picked up the money, but didn't leave the table. "Where are you coming from, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Oh, here and there," Tony said vaguely. "I'm kinda drifting right now. I've actually been touring the country for a couple of months. Visiting some of our national landmarks and parks. It's been a blast."

Even though he was flashing a smile, Vince could detect a hint of sadness in this man's eyes. "It must get lonely after a while," he remarked.

Tony tilted his head. "I'm used to my own company. I've been working so much since college, I never really got to see much of the country. So I decided to do it now, while I'm still young enough to enjoy it." He stood up, preparing to leave. "Thank you for a delicious meal."

"You're welcome," Vince said. "I'll save you a piece of that pie, so you be sure to come back."

"I will," Tony assured him. He walked out and spent the next two hours walking the town. He enjoyed wandering in and out of all the shops. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm. But Tony was weary. He'd been on the road constantly, and although he had enjoyed this 'vacation', he was ready to find a place to start his life over. But this time, he'd keep from making the same mistakes. He'd never again let anyone close enough to hurt him. The past months since that night at Gibbs' house had been fully of misery. He couldn't go through that again.

But he knew himself well enough to know that he liked being around people. Maybe he could find a job that he could be around people without getting too close. For sure, he would never go back to law enforcement. You have to trust and rely on others to have your back, and Tony didn't think he had it in him to trust anyone that much, ever again.

He sighed heavily. Tomorrow was his birthday. That was the one thing that Mark Stoddard had in common with Tony DiNozzo; a shared birthdate. But for the first time in a decade, there would be no cowboy steak shared with his boss. The thought hurt, even though Tony was sure that he sometimes hated the man. He still vividly remembered that night, as much as he tried to force it away. He shook his head and turned his thoughts back to the present.

He glanced at his watch and was surprised at the time. It was getting late and he should be getting on the road. But the thought of the promised chocolate pie ran through his mind. He figured he could take the time for a piece of pie and another glass of tea. That decided, he headed back toward Cafe Diem.

Vince looked up and smiled as Tony came in. He'd barely let Tony sit down before putting a huge piece of pie in front of him. "Here you go. Can I get you something to drink with that?"

"Another iced tea would be great." It was soon set down in front of him. For the next half-hour or so, between bites of pie and Vince helping other customers, Tony told Vince about his recent travels.

"So where do you head from here?" Vince finally asked.

"Not sure. I'm getting kind of tired of traveling. Maybe it's time to settle down someplace for a while."

"Well, you know, Eureka is a great little town to start over in. Think about it."

Tony gave a small smile. He admitted to himself that this was the first place, since leaving D.C., where he felt some measure of peace. He'd lived in cities all his life. Maybe life from a different perspective was in order. "Hey, Vince, is there anywhere close to get a room for the night?" Tony decided he was too tired to drive any further today. Soon, armed with directions from Vince and the certainty of a room, Tony was heading to a small bed and breakfast just a few miles away.

Once settled into a room, Tony took a shower and got ready for bed. And for the first time in a long time, he slept deeply and dreamlessly.

/


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**_6 months later_**

Gibbs walked in the door and slumped down on his couch, trying to summon the energy to care about dinner. He really didn't have an appetite, but knew he needed to eat something. After a few minutes, he decided to just order in when a knock came at the door. Even though his relationship with the woman from the night of 'the incident' eventually cooled and he no longer bothered locking his door, word got around and no one barged in anymore. He thought about ignoring the visitor, but finally yelled "Come on in," at whomever was on the other side of the door.

"Hey, Gibbs."

"Tobias. What brings you by?"

"I got a rather interesting visit from one of the FBI's lab rats today. Thought I'd better tell you about it right away."

"Why?"

"It might, and I stress **_might_**, be a lead on DiNutso."

Jethro straightened up and looked at Tobias with hope. "Tell me."

"The agency is contracting out some work to a firm in Oregon called Global Dynamics. Our lab rat, Ronald Givens, has been out there for the last three days for an update and demonstration on the progress. Anyway, during his stay, he saw a man he thinks might have been Tony tending bar in a little pub. Although he does admit that he never met Tony while he was working at NCIS, only saw him in passing when you and Tony came to the Hoover building. Says the guy in Oregon wasn't calling himself Tony DiNozzo, but can't remember the name he was using. But he thought it might be something to pass along. Knowing that you and I are friends, he brought the info to me. Can't guarantee it's your boy, but thought I'd tell you anyway."

"I'm willing to fly out and check it out. I'm willing to do anything to find Tony. Where do I need to go?"

"Eureka. Eureka, Oregon."

"Thanks, Tobias. And thank your lab guy for me. I appreciate the info, even if it turns out not to be him."

"Well, I hope it goes the way you want, Gibbs. I'll let myself out."

Gibbs wasted no time. In less than an hour, he was packed and heading for the airport. He felt like he'd been given a dose of adrenalin. Luckily, it was Friday and the team was off this weekend. He would fly out and see if this really was Tony. He wouldn't tell anyone else. No sense getting their hopes up if it was a case of mistaken identity. Plus, if it _was_ Tony, there was no telling what kind of reception he'd get from the man. He didn't need anyone else seeing his humiliation if Tony decided to throw his apology back in his face. Or possibly throw something else, like a punch. Gibbs certainly deserved one…or ten.

He landed in Portland late, picked up a rental car and stopped by a drive-thru to grab some dinner. Then he stopped at the first hotel he found to get a room for the night. Getting a map from the desk clerk, he headed to his room. He quickly ate and then showered. He grabbed the map and found Eureka. He marked his route and turned out the light. He wanted to get an early start and needed to sleep.

He made it to Eureka the next day in time for lunch. Driving through town, he spotted a sheriff's office. He thought about stopping and seeing if they could help, but then decided against it. If Tony was here under an assumed name, Gibbs didn't want to get him in any trouble with the local law. He had to be careful. He'd already caused Tony so much pain. He wasn't sure if the other man would even forgive him, but he certainly didn't want to start off by putting his former SFA on the defensive…or worse, in jail.

He decided to scout around a little. He saw a place called Cafe Diem and decided to start there. His stomach was growling, anyway, and he needed coffee. Parking and walking into the cafe, he found a booth in the back, where he could see all the exits.

"Hello and welcome to Cafe Diem," a voice said. Gibbs looked up at the owner of the voice. "I'm Vince. What can I get for you today?"

"Coffee, please. Black and strong."

"Coming right up."

Soon, Gibbs was enjoying a great cup of coffee and had decided on French toast instead of the standard lunch fare. He watched the comings and goings of the townsfolk, while subtly gathering information from a very talkative Vince.

"Yes, we do have a little tavern, here. Just opened up a few months ago by one of our newest residents. It's a very nice place and he caters to every type of clientele. Some nights it's jazz, other nights it's county and western. He's even done a bit of singing himself. It's doing a booming business. You should stick around and try it out. Tonight is classic rock night. Mark, the owner, even got a band in from Portland, so it's going to be live music."

"Sounds like fun," Gibbs lied. "I just might do that. Is there anywhere around to get a room?"

"There's a delightful bed and breakfast just a few miles away. I'll get their number. You can call and make sure they have a vacancy."

Vince came back minutes later with Gibbs' order and a phone number and left him to his meal. After reserving a room and getting directions, Gibbs ate and read the paper he'd bought. He was looking down at his paper, but froze when he heard a familiar voice.

"Afternoon, Vince. A large cup of your very special blend, please."

"Coming right up, Mark."

Gibbs looked up and met the green eyes of the man he'd come all this way to find. When Tony's eyes narrowed in anger, Gibbs knew this reunion wasn't going to be an easy one.

"Did you want lunch today, Mark?" Vince asked Tony.

Tony tore his gaze away from Gibbs. "No thanks, Vince. I seemed to have lost my appetite." His eyes flicked briefly to Gibbs and Gibbs flinched inwardly. "Just the coffee, please, to go."

Grabbing his cup, Tony walked over to the booth where Gibbs was sitting. "If you have something to say, come with me now. It's the only chance you're going to get," he hissed softly. "Otherwise, turn around and go home." With that, he turned and walked away. Gibbs quickly threw some money on the table to cover his bill and a tip and followed the younger man out the door. Neither one noticed Vince's concerned gaze following them as he picked up the phone.

In silence, the two men walked down the block until Tony stopped at the door to a bar. Gibbs could tell the younger man was fuming. Unlocking the door, Tony stepped aside to allow Gibbs to enter and closed the door behind them. Gibbs could see Tony take a deep breath before turning around to face him.

"How did you find me?" he asked Gibbs.

"One of Fornell's people found you by accident. He was here last week, checking up on some project the FBI has contracted out to a company here. Thought he recognized you and told Fornell, who told me."

"Why would someone from the FBI even do that?"

"Because it's a well-known fact in D.C. that I've...we've been searching for you for months."

Tony snorted. "Why bother? It was obvious you all could care less. Figured you'd all be glad to see the back end of me. I just gave all of you what you wanted. So why the hell are you here?"

Gibbs could feel the anger and sadness rolling off of the man in front of him and damned his own stubbornness in not only hurting Tony in the first place, but not rectifying the problem immediately.

"Tony, no one ever wanted you to leave. I was an ass that night at my house. And I kept on being an ass. And for that, I am truly sorry." Gibbs swallowed nervously, not seeing any change in Tony's expression or demeanor. "But, Tony, the rest of the team had no part in that. We all want you back. We all miss you. If you want to stay pissed at me, fine, I'll accept that. But don't take it out on the rest of your friends."

Tony didn't so much as blink. "Ah, but according to the all-knowing, all-seeing Gibbs, I don't have any friends. Remember?"

He paced back and forth, having so much to say, but not knowing where to begin. Finally, he turned to face his former boss, the anger evident in every move, every word…and everything not said.

"Tony..." Gibbs began, but was cut off.

"I used to think that I was well-liked by most people. I always tried to be cheerful, helpful, approachable…even charming," he said, with a bitter smile. "I could have just attributed that night to you being your usual bastard self. But I'm not an idiot, Gibbs. I did some deep soul-searching and really examined the actions and words of all my so-called 'friends.' The put-downs and snarky remarks from you and Tim and Ziva, and even Abby. Ducky and Abby dismissing my concerns and feelings when it came to anything you did or said. I mean, according to Abby you walk on water and can do no wrong. And Ducky…well, the good doctor knows you're flawed, but he excuses you anyway."

When Gibbs again tried to interrupt, Tony slammed his hand down on a nearby table. "No, you don't get to talk right now. It's my turn to tell you some home truths."

Jethro took a step back and nodded. "My life has been full of betrayals. I used to blame myself, wonder what was wrong with me that people treated like crap! My own father sent me away when I was twelve, because _he_ couldn't handle being a single-parent. He was too selfish to be a parent at all. And when he came to see me at NCIS that day, Tim gloated. Abby and Ziva fell all over themselves being nice to him."

"And I told him what a good agent you were," Gibbs quickly interjected.

Tony grimaced. "Really? You told my father that? Well, that's nice. I appreciate that." He shrugged. "Too bad you never said that to me. It would have been nice to hear."

"I'm sorry."

"Uh uh, you can't be sorry. It's not allowed, you see—it's a rule!" he snarled.

"Tony…"

Again DiNozzo interrupted. "You allowed Tim and Ziva to disrespect me. Not only me, but the position I held. I'd venture to guess that whoever took my place didn't get much more respect from them. Assuming it wasn't McGee, 'cause he was nowhere near ready to be a Senior Field Agent. But then, your judgment hasn't always been the best, so you might just have decided it was time?" he questioned.

"No," Gibbs replied. "We had a series of temporary agents in that spot."

"Oooh, I'll bet that pissed of little Timmy. Probably Zeevah, too, since she has always thought she was better than either of us. I'd bet, if she was really honest, she thought she was better than you, too. I still wonder what Jenny was thinking putting her on the MCRT. A foreign intelligence agent on the premier team of NCIS." He leaned against the bar, crossing his arms across his chest. "So, you think she was fucking SecNav in order to get that one approved?"

Tony relished the anger he was seeing from Gibbs at that remark. "What's the matter, Gibbs, don't like that idea? Did you still having feelings for her?"

"Let it lie, DiNozzo. She's dead."

"Yeah, she's dead. Even the great Mike Franks couldn't save her!" At the surprise on Gibbs' face, Tony laughed. "Do you really think I didn't realize he was there that day? You blamed her death on me, I know that. Because I wasn't there. Well he was! And he couldn't save her. I know she was sick. It wasn't difficult to see. The mood swings. The pills she was always popping. Nobody takes that many prescription pills without having some serious medical issues."

"How do know that?" Jethro knew that Tony and Jenny had gotten close while he was on his…his break…in Mexico. Then again, DiNozzo had always been pretty observant.

Again, the bitter smile flickered across Tony's face. "We spent a lot of time in her office discussing the "The Frog". She tried to be discreet, tried to distract me whenever she took her meds, but it didn't always work. And she'd forget sometimes that she had a drawer full of medications when she'd ask me to get something from her desk for her. I researched the names of the medications. But that's not the point here. The point is, you thought it was my fault for not following her that day. But what you don't remember is that I'd already been burned by the Di-rector! She'd pushed…and pushed…and pushed. And Jeanne got hurt because of it."

"So did you," Gibbs stated.

"Ah, but I didn't count," Tony stated flatly. "I was just a means to an end for her. So was Jeanne. She didn't care about either one of us. She…befriended…me, stroked my ego about how well I was doing, leading the team. I wanted to believe her. Especially with how Ziva and Tim were acting. And Abby—she had the nerve label me as 'in training'. So, yeah, I wanted to believe Jenny. I wanted to believe I was a good leader. And it bit me in the ass."

"You were a better leader to them than I was to you."

"Frankly, that's not saying much," Tony replied. "No, I think back over my life, I see how many people used my friendship against me. Used the love I felt for them against me. My father, Wendy, Danny…even my frat brothers eventually turned against me. But I guess that one was my fault. They decided not to even bother asking me what I thought about our yearly get-together this year. They didn't want me around because I don't have a family. Not having time to have that family, because I gave everything to my job and my bastard of a boss.

"And I came to the conclusion that you were right. I don't have any friends. I had people who used me, belittled me, put me down and generally just took advantage of me." Tony's voice got louder and louder as he went on, so he practically shouted out his last sentence. "And I have finally had enough of it!"

"Mark, everything okay here?"

Both men turned to the door to see a man in a sheriff's uniform, with his hand resting on his gun. Gibbs knew from his stance that he was prepared in case he needed to pull it.

"Everything's fine, Sheriff Carter," Tony replied. "Just an old...acquaintance. He and I need to get a few things straight. You may hear some more shouting, but there's no cause for alarm."

The sheriff eyed Gibbs carefully. Gibbs recognized that he was being sized-up. And he did some sizing up of his own. Experience told Gibbs that this officer didn't miss much and wouldn't hesitate to handle a threat to his town or his people.

"It's true, Sheriff. We're just talking. T...Mark and I know each other from way back. We had a huge argument that was totally my fault and I've come to try and apologize. That's all this is. Mark is just letting me know that it's not going to be that easy."

"I'd feel better about that if you weren't carrying," the sheriff said.

Gibbs wasn't at all surprised that the Sheriff had noticed he was armed. "I'm a federal cop," he replied. "I can show you my badge, if you want."

"I want," the man said matter-of-factly. Gibbs pulled out his badge and showed it and his NCIS I.D. to the lawman. Once he was satisfied, he turned to Tony. "You're sure you're okay, Mark? I can ask him to leave, if he's bothering you. I'll even escort him to the city limits and send him on his way."

"Thanks, Sheriff, but I'll manage. Once he's said his piece, he'll leave on his own. If he doesn't I'll give you a call."

Nodding, the sheriff left, closing the door behind him. Once they were alone, Tony turned back to Gibbs. "As I was saying, none of you are my friends. As much as I've tried to be a friend to all of you, I sure as hell didn't get the same in return. Not from any of you. Even through all of this, I got zip. Sure, some asked off-handedly if I was 'okay.' But then I'd get told to stop sulking, pouting and acting childish. I gotta say, having Abby, of all people, telling me to grow up was a real insult." He snorted in disgust. "You all got annoyed when I played pranks and quoted movies, but you were equally annoyed when I was quiet and serious. I just couldn't win, could I? Nothing I ever did would be enough for any of you. So I decided to stop trying and give you all what you seemed to want most. For Tony DiNozzo to not be there."

"What about your frat brothers, Tony? You've been friends with them forever. It had to be more than a change in plans for your yearly vacation together." Gibbs was trying to understand everything Tony had been going through to bring him to this point.

Tony went behind the bar and poured some vodka into a shot glass and tossed it back. "Ah, my frat brothers. My friends through thick and thin," he said sarcastically. "My own frat brothers tell me that the time for drinking contests was in the past and that they wanted to do 'family' things for our get together. Like I _forced _them to drink and act stupid in years past. They made it clear that I wasn't part of their 'family' anymore, since they didn't bother to ask me along this time. Just made plans without me and 'hoped I'd understand.' Do you know, I've never been to Disneyworld. My father always thought it was a waste of money. I would have enjoyed going, especially with them and their families, whom I thought of as my brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. But they made it clear they didn't want me there, because I was single, not a family man. Some brothers, huh?"

"Pete said he tried to call you, so did the others. They know they were wrong."

"Yeah, I got their messages. All of them were _so sorry_ that they hurt my feelings. You're so sorry. Abby's sorry. Ducky. Palmer. Funny, I never got a call from McGee or Ziva. They're not sorry. But tell me, Gibbs. What is it about me that everybody has to keep apologizing for things they said and did to me? Frankly, I'd rather people didn't have to keep apologizing because they crapped all over me."

"You're right," Gibbs said as he approached the bar Tony stood behind. "We've all been idiots. We…No, I can only apologize for me. What I did and what I said…Tony, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I'd give anything to have that night back."

"You don't get it, Gibbs. It wasn't just that night. It was a decade of shit."

"It wasn't all bad, was it?" Gibbs pleaded.

"No. No, not all of it. There were some good moments. We did some good work together. But there were too many times that you took advantage of my good nature and my respect for you. Remember Domino? Maddie? Too many times when you didn't let me know what was going on, telling me it was need-to-know. Well, I needed to know. You allowed Vance to cart me off to Israel after the Rivkin fiasco. You didn't say a word when Mossad took me away. Anything could have happened and you'd have never known until they showed you my body. Neither you nor Vance said a word to Eli David about his heavy-handedness in the interrogation room. And where were you when Ziva dropped me to the ground and put a loaded gun against my chest?"

At Gibbs' confused look, Tony laughed. "I guess the mighty Gibbs isn't all-knowing after all."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I planned to. But wanted to wait until we were back home. I wasn't comfortable in Israel, felt like I had a target on my back. And when she didn't come back with us, I figured it was a moot point. Didn't matter anymore."

Gibbs nodded, debated briefly whether to let Tony know what had happened on that Israeli tarmac, then realized it might help him understand how Gibbs felt about him. "She gave me an ultimatum. Told me she couldn't work with you any longer."

"And you left her there?! Gibbs, you passed up the perfect opportunity to get rid of me!" Tony laughed.

"I never wanted to get rid of you, Tony. I fully expected to turn the team over to you when I really retired."

"What, another 'you'll do'? No thanks. Especially if Ziva and McGee were still on the team. I haven't fully trusted either one of them since the Military at Home bomber case."

"Why not?"

"Because they left me without backup, turned off the radio while they were supposed to be monitoring me when I was going door to door."

Gibbs was temporarily speechless. "That never made it into the report," he remarked.

"No, it didn't. I handled it on my own, as their SFA. I knew they wouldn't have done that to anyone else but me, so I dealt with it on my own. But it's just one more tally on the list of reasons why I left."

"I wish I'd known, DiNozzo. I would have taken official action against them."

Tony shook his head. "No you wouldn't. Oh, you might have tried, but Vance wouldn't have allowed a black mark to go in McGee's file. And he was still friends with Eli, so there's no way he would allow Ziva to be singled out either. He would have felt it was my fault, as he had so many times in the past."

He refilled his shot glass, but instead of drinking it, he just stared at it. "It's felt like Tony against the world lately. And I can't do it anymore. I need to concentrate on _me. _I can't worry about the rest of you. Frankly, I don't care about the rest of you. If I don't care, I can't get hurt, I can't be betrayed."

"Tony…I never meant to betray your trust. I do care. You're the best agent I've ever worked with. I know I haven't been the best leader. And I've been the worst kind of friend. But I do consider you my friend. And I am sorry for everything I've said and done to make you feel differently. If I could take it back I would. You know me, I don't usually regret any actions I take. But I regret what I said and did that night. And I regret ever making you think that I didn't value your friendship. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am."

A full minute of silence passed before Tony spoke. "Now, you've had your say. And you can take your apology and shove it. I don't need or want it."

"So you're going to let the last ten years mean nothing, because of one thoughtless night on my part? Tony, please, don't do this." Gibbs wasn't usually one to beg, but this was too important. Tony was too important.

"Those ten years _have_ meant nothing, Gibbs. At least to you, or you never could have said the things you did. Those ten years were a complete waste of my time. I realized that I needed to make a change."

"Isn't there anything I can do to make this up to you?" Gibbs asked softly.

Tony sighed and downed his second shot of vodka. After a long minute, he looked back at his former boss. "Yeah. There is one final thing you can do for me. You can keep my whereabouts to yourself. I don't want any further contact from _anyone_ connected to NCIS or my former life." The look in his eyes told Gibbs that Tony was including him in that statement.

Gibbs' shoulders slumped. Normally, he wasn't the type of man to give up easily. But he knew Tony, and knew that look in Tony's eyes. There was no give, no leeway, and no forgiveness. He nodded, but felt defeated.

"Okay. I'll do whatever you want, Tony. I'll call off the search. At least you can use your real name again. Maybe go back to law enforcement. I'll write you a good recommendation."

"No need. I'll never go back to being any kind of cop."

"Don't throw away your career. You're a great investigator. Don't let your anger at me keep you from doing what you love, what you're good at."

"It's got nothing to do with that. Being a cop means trusting your fellow cops. And I'll never trust anyone again. Your lasting gift to me, Gibbs. You weren't the first. You were just the latest in a long line of people who broke that trust. But you were the final straw. I trusted you more than I ever trusted anyone in my life. For ten years I trusted you. But I've got no trust left to give. Not to anyone, not ever again."

Gibbs closed his eyes, knowing that his actions, his words, had caused all of this. Had caused a bright, giving, loyal man to close himself off. "What should I tell your father, if he comes around asking about you?"

Tony laughed bitterly. "Doubt that'll happen, unless he wants what little money is left in Tony DiNozzo's bank account. If so, you can consider that my parting gift to you. I'll let you pass a message on to dear old dad for me. Tell him to go fuck himself." Tony headed toward the door. "Now, I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave. I have work to do." Tony opened the door and Gibbs stepped out.

He turned around to try and apologize once more, but Tony slammed the door in his face. Gibbs heard the lock engage and Tony's footsteps move away.

"I'm guessing he's not in a forgiving mood," Gibbs heard from his left. The sheriff was leaning against the building a few feet away.

Gibbs sighed heavily. "No. And I can't really blame him. I said some unforgivable things. You know that old adage about sticks and stones breaking bones, but words never hurting? Don't you believe it. Words hurt the worst of all. And sometimes, the wounds never heal." Gibbs felt nauseous.

"Walk with me, Agent Gibbs," the sheriff requested.

Gibbs followed the man to his office. Sheriff Carter offered him coffee, but surprisingly Gibbs shook his head. He was so sick to his stomach, he knew he'd choke on it if he tried to drink it.

"You know, Agent Gibbs, Mark's a very popular guy around here, especially for being a newcomer. His tavern is becoming the favorite gathering place. He's started a community theater and helps out with the high school basketball team. He even gives piano lessons to some of the children. But for all his social activities, all his friendliness, he's very guarded. Doesn't let anyone get close. Hell, several of our eligible women have tried to get his attention, but he brushes them off. Politely, but brushes them off nevertheless. Is that normal for him, or is this part of your doing?"

"It's all on me. He was never closed off, before. I broke his trust. He told me I was one in a long line of many, but I was the final straw." Gibbs sighed heavily, feeling old and broken.

"Then maybe it's better that you leave," Sheriff Carter said bluntly. "Eureka can be a crazy, quirky little town. It has its fair share of troubles. Boy, does it have troubles. But we've also got damn good people here. Maybe, given enough time and without further interference, we can turn him back into the man he used to be. But if not, at least he seems at peace here. Content."

Gibbs nodded and stood up. "I'd best be getting on the road."

"I'll call the bed and breakfast, let them know you won't be needing that room, after all."

Gibbs didn't even look surprised that the sheriff had known his plans. "Thanks. He doesn't want me here. The least I can do is honor his wishes and leave him in peace." He took out one of his business cards and wrote down his personal cell phone number and handed it to the sheriff.

"What's this for? I hope you don't think I'm going to spy on him for you?"

"No. Just…if anything ever happens, you know…" Gibbs trailed off. "I'd appreciate a call, should the worst ever occur." The sheriff nodded, then watched as the man walked slowly out of the building. He continued watching out the window as the other man returned to his car. He saw Gibbs take one last, long look at the bar where he'd left the man he'd come to see. Then he got in his car and drove away. And if the sheriff noticed a slight glistening in those blue eyes, well, he wouldn't tell anyone.

Thirty minutes later, the door to the Sheriff's office opened and the subject of his talk with Gibbs walked in.

"Sheriff."

"Hey, how ya doing? Your visitor left town."

"Yeah, I saw him drive away." He sat down across from the Sheriff, who was sitting at his desk. "How much did you hear, earlier?"

Jack leaned back in his chair and looked him right in the eye. "Enough to know that your name isn't Mark, Tony."

Tony sighed. "Yeah, I figured as much." He held out a folded piece of paper to Carter.

"What's this," Carter asked, taking it.

"My get-out-of-jail-free card."

Carter opened the paper to find a court document showing that one Anthony DiNozzo had officially changed his name to Mark Stoddard. He handed the paper back. "Good enough for me, Mark. Is that how Agent Gibbs found you?"

"No. Apparently some FBI lab tech was out here last week checking up on some project they farmed out to a company here. Most likely Global Dynamics."

"Yeah, I remember Alison talking about some fed being out here. And the guy recognized you and told Gibbs?" Jack made a mental note to ask Alison to tell him if any more visitors came out, so he could warn Mark.

Tony nodded. "Yeah. Gibbs claimed he'd been searching for me all these months. Don't know why. Don't really care."

"Interesting that a federal agent couldn't find that," Carter said, pointing to the paper he'd returned to Tony.

Tony smiled. "I went to a judge that knows both my con-man father and Gibbs. Explained what happened and why I wanted to change my name. He authorized the name change and then sealed the file."

"Smart."

"Sneaky, anyway."

"So, you're also trying to get away from your father? Do you think Agent Gibbs will tell him where you are?"

"Don't know," Tony said, getting up to pace the room. "He has no love for my father, but if he's pissed at me, he might. Just on the hope that Senior comes here to try and screw with my life."

Carter watched the man continue to pace. "I didn't see a pissed off man leave here, Mark. I saw a man in pain. A man who knows he's lost something special."

Tony's eyes flashed. "Good. Maybe he's feeling a little of his own medicine then."

"I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, Mark, but if you ever want to talk, I'm here."

Tony didn't say anything as his gaze was drawn to something out the window behind Jack. "Umm, Sheriff, there's someone floating through the air in a bubble."

Carter took a sip of his coffee without turning around. "Is the bubble blue or purple?"

Tony raised his eyebrows at the Sheriff's nonchalant attitude. "Blue."

"That would be Stuart, then."

"And if the bubble had been purple?"

"His wife, Edith."

Tony tilted his head, started to make a comment, then closed his mouth. He repeated this action twice more before he shaking his head. He turned and started to head toward the door. Halfway there, he stopped and turned back to Carter. "No. I've gotta know," he said, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Carter smiled. "Marriage counseling tool. Each of them are equipped with a 'bubble belt'. When they get to arguing and one of them decides they've had enough, they can activate their belt, and it encases them in a bubble. It's program to fly around for thirty minutes before taking them back home. Gives both of them a chance to calm down."

"And does this happen often?"

"Used to happen two or three times a week. Lately, they've been getting along better, so it hasn't been happening as much."

Tony shook his head. "This is a strange little town you have here, Sheriff."

"Yeah, it is. But I think you really like it here. Strangeness and all."

"Let's just say, I can roll with quirky. It has a certain…charm."

Carter laughed and stood up. "How about a cup of Vince's special blend? My treat."

"Sure. I'd like that."

Carter approached and handed Tony a card. Looking, Tony realized it was Gibbs' business card, with his personal number written on the back. He lifted his gaze to the Sheriff's. "He give you this? Ask you to spy on me?"

"No. Said he'd appreciate a call, if the worst ever happened. I'll leave the decision up to you. What would you like me to do with that card?" Carter wanted Tony/Mark to realize that he could trust Carter. He knew it wouldn't be easy to gain this man's trust. It would be one step at a time. But Carter was a patient man.

Tony handed the card back. "Keep it. Chances are, he'll be gone long before I will. Especially since I'm not chasing criminals and terrorists anymore."

"So you _were_ law enforcement. I wondered. Especially after you opened the tavern. You seem to be able to spot and handle problems pretty quick."

"And yet, you never asked."

"It was obvious you didn't want to be in law enforcement anymore. Figured you had your reasons. Figured they weren't anyone's business."

Tony looked at the Sheriff. "Thanks."

Carter nodded. "Let's go get that coffee."

"And pie."

Carter laughed. "And pie."


	6. Chapter 6

/

**Chapter 6**

Gibbs drove back to Portland and turned in the rental car. He wasn't able to get a flight back to D.C. that night, so he got a room at a hotel near the airport. He spent the night flipping through channels on the TV, finally turning it off because he wasn't really interested anyway. He tried to sleep, but tossed and turned, reliving every moment of his ten years with Tony…the ups and downs, the good and the bad. And reliving every moment of _that_ night, over and over again.

When he finally got on his flight the next morning, he was bleary-eyed from lack of sleep and exhausted from a bone-deep sense of sadness and loss. On Monday morning, after another sleepless night, he did something he hadn't done in years…he called in sick.

Oh, he knew he'd get visitors. Most likely Ducky and Abby. But staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, he knew his appearance would fool them both into thinking he was ill, rather than the sickness of heart he was feeling. At least he hoped so. He knew if he told them the truth, that they would both be glad to hear that Tony was alive. But Abby, at least, would be unable to honor Tony's wishes to cut off contact. Gibbs knew she would dig and dig, would find out that Gibbs had flown out to Oregon and rented a car. With her skills, she'd GPS the rental car and find out that Gibbs had gone to Eureka and back. And she would be on the first flight out. So he had to keep her from suspecting that he had done anything different this weekend.

Gibbs didn't have long to wait. Just after 9 AM, a frantic knock came on his front door. The door opened and he heard Abby's voice.

"Gibbs, are you here? Are you okay?"

"In here, Abs," he called from the couch.

Abby and Ducky came into the living room and were shocked at Gibbs' appearance. "Oh, Gibbs." Abby rushed to his side. "You look awful. What can I do?"

"Abigail, let me look at him," Ducky said. He moved over to the couch and sat down next to Gibbs. He checked Gibbs' blood pressure and temperature. He looked closely at his oldest friend and could see the exhaustion in his face. "How are you feeling, Jethro? What symptoms have you been having?"

Gibbs stuck as close to the truth as he could. "Aches and pains, Duck. Nausea, headache, unable to sleep."

"How long has it been since you've had anything to eat that has stayed down?"

"Saturday afternoon. I've been sick to my stomach. Haven't even felt like coffee. Been able to keep a little water down."

Ducky finished his examination. "I believe you have a touch of flu, Jethro, probably brought on by stress and exhaustion. You need to get fluids down and get some sleep. I can prescribe some anti-nausea medication and a sleep aid, if you would like." Ducky knew Gibbs didn't usually like taking medicine, but offered it anyway.

Jethro shook his head. "You know I don't like meds, Ducky. I'll just try and ride this out. But thanks."

"I think you should take a few more days off, Jethro. Give yourself time to get completely over this. If you like, I could talk to Director Vance when I return to work and let him know." Jethro agreed that it was a good idea.

Ducky and Abby prepared to leave, although Abby clearly wasn't happy about it. "But, Gibbs, I can stay and take care of you. I can make you some soup and keep you company."

"Abby, I'm going to try and get some sleep, like Ducky suggested. Really, I'm okay. But thanks."

Abby and Ducky left and Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. But he soon frowned as he went over Abby's behavior. She'd been worried and helpful with him. But he couldn't remember her being that way when Tony had been ill after the plague. Oh, she'd gone to visit Tony, but didn't offer to stay and keep him company or make him soup. And Ducky. Ducky would offer him medicine but would accept if Gibbs said no. But he remembered more than one occasion where Ducky would lecture and badger Tony until Tony gave in and did whatever Ducky wanted. And it often seemed to have an air of exasperation and annoyance.

Gibbs remembered and re-lived a lot of moments and finally came to a realization. Tony was right. None of them, Gibbs included, had ever been the true friend to the young man that Tony had been to all of them. Even with the pranks, jokes and other behaviors, when push came to shove, Tony was a true-blue friend.

He was the one who helped McGee when the younger agent had shot that cop. He helped Ducky with his sick mother. He was the one who set up the operation to avenge Ziva when they thought she had died. But he never got the same back…from any of them.

And Gibbs realized that maybe leaving Tony… no, leaving _Mark_ to live his life in peace, was the only way to show him the friendship that he and the others never had before. It didn't completely take away the sadness and guilt that Gibbs knew he would never truly be rid of, but it would give Tony the peace that he needed. And at this point, it was all he could do.

/

**_Epilogue _**

**_2 months later, NCIS Autopsy_**

The doors opened and Gibbs walked through. "Ducky."

"Ah, Jethro. You are here rather late."

"Had some paperwork to finish up. Palmer here?"

Ducky was confused. "No, he went home to Breena. Did you need him for something?"

"No, actually. I just wanted to make sure we were alone. I wanted to talk without being interrupted or overheard."

"This sounds serious, Jethro."

"It is. I wanted you to be the first to know. I turned in my retirement papers to Vance earlier today. At the end of the month, I'll be leaving NCIS."

Ducky looked at his friend. He knew the last year had been tough for Jethro, with the whole upheaval around Tony's departure. "I know this last year has been difficult, Jethro. And you certainly deserve to enjoy your retirement. I just hope you are not making this decision lightly."

"No, not lightly, Duck. I've been thinking about it for quite a while, actually. It's just that after the whole disaster with Tony, I've realized that I'm not the leader I need to be anymore." Gibbs started pacing the room. "I took a minor incident and turned it into a huge thing for no reason other than my own embarrassment. Tony was worried when no one could get ahold of me that night. I could hear it in all the messages he left on my phone. And he barged into a house that he was used to barging into. And because I got pissed, I used the most effective weapon against him. A weapon I knew would work because I knew _him_."

Gibbs stopped pacing and leaned against Ducky's desk. When he raised his eyes, Ducky was taken back at the heart-wrenching expression on Jethro's face. "God, Ducky. I betrayed the trust and loyalty of one of the best men I have ever known or worked with. Over a minor embarrassing moment. And then to make matters worse, I wouldn't bend enough to apologize to someone who deserved it. A man that had been by my side and covering my back for ten years! I just proved myself to be unworthy of leading anyone. And I've been second-guessing myself ever since. It's time to step down, before I get someone killed…let the younger agents take over."

Ducky wished he could put Jethro's mind at ease, but truthfully, he too felt that Jethro had overreacted to Tony's actions that night. And his continued refusal to admit his mistake to the one man that needed that admission only compounded the issue. "So you are sure about this, Jethro?"

"Yeah, Ducky. I'm positive."

"Do you plan to tell everyone before you go?"

"I'm not sure, Ducky. What do you think?"

"Considering how Anthony left with no notice, I believe it might be prudent of you to let the others know as soon as possible."

Gibbs just nodded. He certainly didn't want to cause any more pain to his team or Abby. He just wanted away from NCIS and everything that reminded him of Tony DiNozzo...and his own failures.

"I just don't want anyone to make a fuss. I've already told Vance that I don't want any kind of party or anything here. I just want to leave as quietly as possibly. I thought, maybe the weekend after my last day, we could have the team over to my place for a small get together."

"When will you tell the others then?" Ducky said, knowing that Abby would certainly want to make a big deal of Gibbs' departure. He vowed to himself to speak to her about keeping things low key.

"Tomorrow's Friday," Gibbs commented, thinking about the best way to handle this announcement. "I'll see if they can all come over after work. I want to do this out of the office."

"I think that's best. Abigail will certainly not take the news well."

Gibbs smiled. "At least I won't be taking off to Mexico this time," he replied.

"So, you will be staying in the area then?"

"For now, yes. I want to spend some time with my Dad in Stillwater. After that…" he shrugged.

Ducky moved over next to his long-time friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know that you have been doing a great deal of soul-searching, my friend. I am sorry that you haven't been able to reconcile with Anthony."

Jethro looked at the floor, not even trying to push away the feelings of failure any more. He deserved that burden. He embraced it.

He hoped that Tony was happy in Eureka. He seemed to have people who would have his back. At the very least, Sheriff Carter seemed willing to watch out for their newest resident. For that, Gibbs was grateful. He was saddened that Tony's talent wouldn't be used in law enforcement any longer. But he also understood. Tony's trust in people had been shattered, because of him.

He sighed. "I don't blame him, Ducky. We…I…broke his trust."

"You were right the first time, Jethro. _We_ broke his trust. We all should have spoken to him, assured him that we would support him. We all failed in that regard."

Gibbs smiled. "Thanks, Ducky. You're wrong, but thanks for trying. I wish I'd been as good a friend to Tony as you've always been to me."

"Jethro, you need to put this behind you. You can't keep dwelling on what might have been. Anthony made his decision and we need to honor that and go on with our lives, as he has."

"I know, Ducky. I just…I keep thinking…how one night, one stupid night…if I'd just kept my mouth shut, been the 'functional mute' that Tony once called me. But then, I know that night was just the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back."

"We will get through, Jethro. All of us, together."

"I should go. You'll be there tomorrow?"

"Of course. I fear it will not be an easy night, for anyone."

"I fear you're right, Dr. Mallard." He pulled Ducky into a hug. "Thanks, Duck. I don't deserve a friend like you," he whispered, before quickly releasing the older man and hurrying out the door.

Ducky watched him go, feeling a deep sadness that DiNozzo's departure had been so hard on Gibbs. He wanted to be angry with Anthony, but knew that the anger would be misdirected. As he'd told Gibbs, they were all at fault for what happened with Anthony. And they would all have to live with that guilt.

He wearily walked over to the coatrack, pulled his overcoat on. He slipped his hat on, then ran his hand against the light switch. He slowly walked out the door, knowing that Jethro wasn't the only one who had regrets.

/

The next night, the team gathered at Gibbs' house. Vance had also been invited to join them. Abby was fidgeting, knowing that something big was going on. She hoped it was news about Tony.

Once everyone had found a place to sit and gotten comfortable, Gibbs leaned forward from his own seat. "I guess you all are wondering why you're here."

"Did you find Tony!?" Abby asked, unable to wait. "Is he coming back!?"

Gibbs looked around at the other faces around him, each of them anticipating good news. He was about to disappoint them. "Abby, Tony isn't coming back. It's been months now. If he was coming back, he'd be here by now. That's not why I asked you here."

"But, Gibbs, we have to find him! He has to tell us why he left. He never even said goodbye," she wailed.

"Abby, we drove him away. It's no wonder he didn't say goodbye. I said some horrible things to him and my actions after that just reinforced my words." He looked around at the others. "None of us treated him well. We either ignored him or lectured him or flat out told him he wasn't good enough for us. We're all at fault here."

"What did we do?!" McGee asked indignantly.

"Really, McGee?" Ziva asked smugly. "Always bringing up your degrees and telling everyone how much smarter you are than him."

"Well, what about you!" McGee answered. "Miss-I-can-kill-you-with-a-paper-clip. Thinking Mossad was so much better at everything!"

Ziva stood up. "Should I demonstrate, McGee?"

"SIT DOWN!" Gibbs roared. In shock, she dropped back down in her seat. "Enough! You're both right! Neither of you ever respected DiNozzo. And that's my fault. I felt a little competition would be good to keep you all on your toes. But Tony was the Senior Field Agent on the team, and neither of you ever gave him the respect that title deserved. He wasn't there just because he'd been with NCIS the longest. He was SFA because he was good!"

Gibbs shook his head. "And if I'd told _him _that while he was still here, he might not have left!"

Jethro leaned back and ran his fingers thru his hair, staring at the ceiling. "We all screwed up. Well, except maybe Palmer," he said with a smile at Ducky's young assistant. "Tony was our friend. But we weren't very good friends back to him." He looked around the room before continuing.

"The Director thought he was a screw-up, only judging him on his actions in the bullpen, not looking at the results he got. Jenny Shepard only used him for her own personal vendetta. I treated him like garbage, even though I knew how good he was at his job. I never told him how I felt. I told his father once that Tony was the best agent I'd ever worked with. I still believe that. But did I ever tell DiNozzo?! No, I didn't. And I should have."

"He _was_ my friend, Gibbs," Abby interjected.

"Really? So, all those times he wanted to take you to see one of his classic movies, you jumped at the chance?" he asked, knowing that wasn't the case. Abby's taste ran more toward horror movies and he knew that she wouldn't sit through one of Tony's favorite movies. When she bit her bottom lip rather than answer, he continued. "Yet Tony would always go to one of your clubs with you, even though he hated your music."

When she still didn't reply, Gibbs turned his gaze elsewhere. "You weren't the only one, Abby. I allowed Ziva and McGee to put him down and disrespect him at work, when I should have been showing them how much I valued his input. And because I didn't make it clear, they took that as permission to take every opportunity to put him down, to disregard the chain of command. And often to dismiss Tony's contribution to the team and to solving our cases."

He noticed the tears flowing down Abby's face, but he couldn't bring himself to try to comfort her, not while knowing that everyone in that room had made Tony's decision to leave that much easier by not supporting him.

Then he shook his head. "It's all water under the bridge. Tony's gone and there is nothing we can do about it now. He's made it clear that he's not coming back and he wants nothing to do with any of us. That's not why I asked you to come here tonight."

"If this is not about Tony, why are we here, Gibbs?" Ziva asked, getting things back on track.

Jethro looked around the room. Abby had buried her face in McGee shoulder, Tim holding her close. Vance sat across from him, stoic as usual.

"This is not easy for me, especially after the last few months. I've put in my papers."

"NO!" Abby screamed, lifting her head up from McGee's shoulder. "You can't! Gibbs, no, please. We already lost Tony. Please, you can't leave too!"

"I have to, Abby. I just can't do it anymore."

"It is because of Tony, yes?" Ziva asked. "Because we have not been able to find him?"

When Jethro didn't respond right away, the others got nervous. He cleared his throat several times, and took several sips from the cup of coffee he had in his hand.

"You know where he is? Where is he?" Abby jumped up and began pacing around the room. "Did Timmy find him? Why didn't you tell me, McGee?" She punched the computer tech in the arm. "We have to go to him! We have to…"

"Abby, stop."

"No, Gibbs! We have to go….YOU have to go! Apologize! Beg him to come back! We need him! Especially now that you're leaving! Who else is going to take over the team?!"

"Abby!" She stopped and looked at him, but when she saw the look on his face, she began to shake her head. "No! No! Gibbs, please," she pleaded, as she sank back down on the sofa beside McGee.

"McGee didn't find him. Actually, I'm not surprised. Tony knows how we work, he knows what we'd be looking for. I should have known better than to think we'd be able to find him. However, I have been in contact with Tony, but I don't know where he is," Gibbs lied, not wanting to give any of them reason to research his own movements in order to find DiNozzo. "Tony…Tony doesn't want any contact with any of us. He's made a clean break…and we have burned that bridge behind him. We have to honor his wishes to be left alone," Gibbs told them. "I don't like it. But it's what he wants. I screwed up badly with him. The way I treated him was unforgivable. And he's not forgiving me. He's not forgiving any of us."

"Everything's changing," Abby lamented. "You know I don't like change." She was pouting and everyone knew it.

"This isn't about you, Abigail!" Gibbs said, angry that none of them were seeing what they'd done. "Look, it is what it is. Tony isn't coming back. He's doing well where he is. I promised him that we would leave him alone. I plan to keep that promise. I won't betray him again. And I won't let any of you betray him either. You, all of you," he said, making a point to look at Abby, "will stop looking for him. Is that clear?"

When no one answered, he asked again. "Is. That. Clear?"

It was a full minute before anyone said anything. And no one was surprised when it was Ducky who broke the silence. "We understand, Jethro," he said, as he looked at the others. "Don't we, Abigail? Timothy?"

When Abby looked like she was going to argue, Vance spoke up. "I'll make that an order, if I have to. In fact, you all can consider an order from me. Tony DiNozzo resigned. He has decided that he no longer wants contact with any of us. That is his right. You will honor his choice. If I find that any of you have disregarded his wishes, I will terminate your employment with NCIS."

"And what if he's needed for court? Is some criminal going to go free because Tony doesn't want contact?" Abby was grasping at any straw to get what she wanted.

The director frowned. "And do you believe, Miss Scuito, that as NCIS Director, I didn't already think of these repercussions when DiNozzo first tendered his resignation? I went to see our legal department that first day. They assured me that Agent DiNozzo, as he always did, made sure that all bases were covered for court cases. As the outstanding agent he was, he knew that at any time, he could be hurt, killed, or involved in an undercover operation that could make it impossible for him to testify in court. He and legal had everything worked out in that regard."

The room was silent except for sniffles from Abby. Gibbs finished his coffee and set the cup down on the table beside his chair. He needed to move this along and get them off the subject of Tony DiNozzo.

"So, I will be leaving at the end of the month. Rick Balboa will be taking over the MCRT. His SFA, Stacy McMillan, will be moving over with him. His two junior agents are moving to Agent Afloat assignments." He turned to McGee and Ziva. "You both have options here. You can stay with the MCRT in the same capacity you are now. Or you can transfer to other teams, take the opportunity to work in other capacities."

Vance took over. "If either of you feel like you would like a change from the MCRT or from D.C., we have openings in other parts of the country or internationally. Think it over and let me know." They both nodded, still a bit shell shocked by Gibbs' announcement.

"More change," Abby muttered.

Gibbs sighed, exasperated and weary. "Yes, Abby, change. We all have to deal with it."

"What will you do now, Gibbs?" Ziva asked.

"I'm gonna spend some time with my father. After that…I plan to do some sailing."

She smiled. "On a boat you built?"

He shook his head. "No, one I purchased. I've never kept any of those I've built."

"I can't believe you're leaving us," Abby said.

"I'm not leaving town permanently, Abby. But I need to get away for a while."

"Will you stay in touch?" she asked, hopeful.

"No guarantees, Abs. You know I'm not good at that. And while I'm at sea, it won't be possible. I'll try to send a postcard once in a while, but…." He shrugged. They all knew he wasn't great at communicating.

Abby slumped down, dejected. McGee pulled her close. For the longest time, no one said a word. Then Vance stood up.

"Gibbs, I'll see you Monday. We'll iron out the details then."

Jethro nodded and walked the Director to the door. "Leon…thanks for making sure they stopped looking for Tony."

"We owe him, Gibbs. I was sorry to lose him." When all Gibbs did was raise an eyebrow, Vance laughed. "Yeah, I know, I always said I didn't like his kind of agent. I was wrong. Agents like you and DiNozzo, they still have a place at NCIS."

"Now ya tell me!"

"Stay in touch. I'd like the opportunity to pull you in as a consultant on tough cases."

"We'll see," Gibbs said, reaching out to shake Vance's hand. "See ya, Monday."

The others all left shortly after that, Abby hugging him for a long time before Tim managed to pull her away, much to Gibbs' relief. He closed and locked the door behind them, then went around turning out lights. Setting the coffeemaker for his usual early morning time, he trudged upstairs.

He took a shower and dressed for bed. As he closed the drawer, his glanced at the photo on top of the dresser. It was an old team photo, taken not long before Kate was killed. McGee had only recently joined the team. Abby, Ducky and Palmer were also in the photo, which was taken at an NCIS barbeque. He picked up the frame and walked over to his bed and sat down. He couldn't take his eyes off of Tony, standing beside him in the photo and laughing at something. It was like a knife to his heart that he'd had a hand in destroying the happy-go-lucky guy in the photo. He closed his eyes briefly, then set the photo down on his nightstand. Reaching up to turn off the lamp, he slipped under the covers.

In the dark, he sent out a plea. "Have a good life, Tony. Be happy."

THE END

**_A/N_****_: _****_We are not planning any type of sequel to this story. We felt that in this situation Tony would want to make a clean break and severe all contact. However, if anyone else feels like doing an alternate ending, we would welcome the chance to read it. What would happen if Gibbs and Tony met up five or ten years down the line? What would Tony do if he found out somehow about Jackson Gibbs' death? Just please note where you got the idea and be sure to send us a note with the link so we can read it ! _**


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